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Danville Planning Commission (4/11/16)

This was one of the most bizarre Danville Planning Commission meetings that I have ever seen. I guarantee that you will laugh while reading this article.

It’s Monday at almost 3 PM. Or it was. Anyway, let’s get started with a Planning Commission meeting that I knew had the potential to be fun. And I don’t mean ha-ha type of fun.

Oh, that’s a good start.

Anyway, we made it to the 4th floor and let’s take a look at today’s audience.

Here’s one side…

…and the other. Nobody looks happy today.

The place has the atmosphere of a funeral home. Oh well, let’s get started. All Planning Commission members are here, so let’s get started.

The first order of business is to recommend amending the zoning code to allow car washing businesses in the River District. This is for Von Wellington’s business in the old Dixie Bags location. That’s a 7-0 passing vote and on the Von Wellington’s specific Special Use Permit for that business. Von’s not at the meeting, but that’s no problem and it passes 7-0.

Moving along, we’ve got a Special Use Permit application for a warehouse off of the bypass at Route 86 can have zero feet of side and back setbacks. It’s a warehouse, it really doesn’t need any yard setbacks. Duh.

Susanne Wright wants to turn the house that she inherited at 124 Mt. Vernon Avenue back into a duplex so that she can sell it. That’s simple enough with nobody speaking in opposition. The person who’s planning to buy it comes up to answer any questions. Planning Commission member Bruce Wilson says something like “I’m glad somebody is here to discuss the project because you know my opinion when nobody shows up to the planning commission meeting.”

Yes. When nobody shows up to discuss their proposal, Bruce Wilson gets all huffy, puffy and pompous then threatens to vote “No” on the request just to show them that he doesn’t approve of things. Except like the Von Wellington car wash issue just before this one, when Von Wellington wasn’t at the meeting. Wilson must have forgotten to swell up and be all hoity-toity about that.

Anyway it passes, and the lights go down because it’s time for Today’s Main Event. Gus Dyer Jr. wants to build a four-story 16 unit apartment building and the intersection of Riverside drive and Fairview Avenue. That’s beside Dyer’s Oak Park Villas project. Dyer filed the application on the deadline day and didn’t submit a site plan or a conceptual drawing. Need less to say, some neighbors of the proposed project are opposed to something that they have no idea what will be. That’s understandable.

But hey, Gus Dyer has made some copies of something and is going to give all of the planning commission! That’s going to make things much better!

Here’s a copy of something for you. And you. And you.

You get a copy! You get a copy! You get a copy! No, he’s out of copies before he reaches the end so they have to share.

When a neighbor speaks against the project simply because the neighbor has no idea what the hell the project is, Gus Dyer jumps up and tries to explain it to the lady right there at the podium.

Oh yeah, that’s gonna work just fine. Note that Bruce Wilson is getting Chairman Mike Scearce’s attention to put a stop to this crap.

Once the city staff & planning commission starts pushing back against this project, Gus Dyer starts channeling his inner Donald Trump and begins pissing everybody off.

I know apartment building. People like apartment buildings. People know that I know apartment buildings. I build apartment buildings. I’m going to build a big apartment building. It will be a good apartment building. I build good apartment buildings. You know it’s a good apartment building because I’m going to build it. It’s gonna be a yuge apartment building. You don’t need to see the plans for the apartment building because I am going to build it. Nobody needs to see the plans because I’m building it. I build apartment buildings.

Dyer goes on in that Bad Donald Trump style and continues to piss everybody off even more. He even talks about dropping the project if the city is going to make him pay for site plans and conceptual drawings. You know, like every other developer pretty much has to do. He’ll just take his ball and go home, dammit. After he starts jawing with the planning commission members, it just becomes an adventure in Bizarro World.

The look that the city planning staff has on their faces during Gus Dyer’s Bad Donald Trump Style Meltdown is just perfect.

The looks of the staff and city attorney say it all, folks.

Anyway, nobody cares about Gus Dyer’s threats to kill the project and the commission tables the request to next month. Something else happens next that pales in comparison to Gus Dyer’s temper tantrum, so there.

In the unofficial around the horn session, board member Anne Evans is perturbed about people presenting complaints when the planning commission cases go to city council. Evans says that people need to also present their complaints to the planning commission and attend their meetings. Seriously. I’d be an ass if I pointed out that Anne Evans has the worst record of attending her own planning commission meetings herself. Oh wait, I just did that.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this trip through Monday’s Danville Planning Commission meeting. It’s only here at SouthsideCentral!

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