This is the location where my face and my palm meet.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Um… riiiiiight. If a eco-terrorist was going to attack Danville and the Dan River (and I can’t figure out one reason why they would), wouldn’t they use something that would actually cause damage to the environment? No… I don’t mean Dan River Mills’ chemical plant. That stopped polluting the river a long time ago. Now the Dan River is back to being polluted from lots of other things.<\/p>\n
If I buy in to Scott’s conspiracy theory, the only eco-terrorist that would spend time attacking the river with a substance that appears to have no short-term effect at all would be Dr. Evil (from the Austin Powers series of movies) or Plankton (from SpongeBob SquarePants). This attack would be just as effective and harmless as all of their schemes that those two have pulled before. Can anybody vouch for their whereabouts on the night in question? We may be on to something here.<\/p>\n
As stated in the title, I do know that Godzilla has not been cleared of suspicion yet and neither has the late Doris Day. If Scott’s theories are correct, we’re going to have to round up the usual suspects including that woman who sung about Chiquita Bananas while wearing a hat made of fruit and her known accomplice, Wilford Brimley.<\/p>\n
Scott has helped us narrow the focus of the investigation down with this clue…<\/p>\n
Neither Duke Energy nor the EPA have investigated the possibility of a rogue Duke Energy employee or a disgruntled former employee having caused the pipe breach.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Ah-HAH! We now know that it could be a rogue OR a disgruntled Duke energy employee (not a gruntled one, of course). If we find a disgruntled employee who just happens to also be rogue, they can be cut loose. They’re innocent. One last article quote before we close it out…<\/p>\n
No law enforcement agency has considered the possibility of there being a connection between these incidents.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
There’s a good reason why that hasn’t been considered. It’s totally ludicrous.<\/p>\n
Bartender, I’ll have what Scott Brooks is having.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This is the location where my face and my palm meet.<\/p>\n
[…]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8237","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-newscentral","odd"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pwqFk-28R","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":8696,"url":"https:\/\/www.southsidecentral.com\/wordpress\/2014\/05\/26\/happy-trails-coal-ash-spill\/","url_meta":{"origin":8237,"position":0},"title":"Happy Trails, Coal Ash Spill!","author":"SouthsideCentral","date":"May 26, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You heard it here. 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