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OddsMakers! (4/15/15)

The chalkboard is finally out of the closet. It wasn’t fooling us one bit. OddsMakers time!

Let’s take a look at what our writers have come up with for this edition…

What the hell is that? The spacing is off, the lines aren’t connecting. It looks like somebody put that together in 5 minutes. Oh. OK then. Let’s get started.


“Both the Town of Halifax and the Town of South Boston will raise their meals tax in the new fiscal year.” – The Town of Halifax is about $17,000 away from balancing their budget for the upcoming fiscal year. A one percent raise in the meals tax will do that. South Boston wants to close a proposed $296,000 shortfall and also pay for a 10-year street improvement plan. So where do the town governments go? Bingo. Nobody that dines at Molasses Grill or Bistro 1888 is going to even notice the additional tax, and probably the same for places like Hardee’s. But come on, if Halifax can’t come up with $17,000, why should food customers pick up the bill? And the same for South Boston… I mean paying for essential services would be acceptable, but for a 10-year street project too? Sadly, I’m betting only the restaurant owners will come out against this, and they won’t be enough to stop this from happening. I say that there’s an 89% chance of both towns sticking it to people who eat at restaurants. NEXT!


There will be a big drug bust in Pittsylvania County before the November elections.” – Four years ago, sheriff candidate Gary Goodson pointed out that current sheriff Mike Taylor hadn’t had any major drug busts under his administration in the previous four years. We’re now up to eight years, and still none. That doesn’t mean that Taylor isn’t doing a good job, but you’d have to blind to not think there’s just as much of a drug distribution problem in Pittsylvania County as there is in Henry County, and Henry County averages a big set of drug indictments once every year or so. Southside region sheriff’s offices could learn a lot in the field of public and media relations. If it happens in Pittsylvania County before the elections, it won’t be an election stunt because Taylor doesn’t have any opposition for another 4-year term. But if it hasn’t happened in over 8 years, I’m saying there’s only a 5% chance of a grand jury coming out with a load of indictments before November. NEXT!


 

“Some driver flattens the new town clock at the Halifax Farmer’s Market by April 15th, 2016.” – Bwahahahaha! Our writers are evil today. During the Halicraft art festival this past weekend, the new Halifax Town Clock was unveiled. It’s looks just like the one in Reidsville and it’s beautifully landscaped. It’s also about 15 feet from Main St., also known as Route 501. Lots of trucks, lots of cars. The potential for that Mayhem guy from the Allstate commercials to make a visit is out there. But let’s be real, not much. There’s a Phil Hammond drunk driving joke in there somewhere. The clock could have been fortified up some to make it a less vulnerable target. But if a vehicle hasn’t put a drive-in window into Triangle Florist at the stoplight yet, there’s only a 6% chance of the clock getting its clock cleaned. NEXT!


“Ericke Cage defeats Robert Hurt in the November 2016 5th District Congressional election.” – What? Who? When? Dear God, it’s April 2015. We’re 19.5 months away from the election and still have 2015’s elections to go. It’s too damned early to even think about congressional elections. Thanks, Ericke. I know, he’s trying to clear the field early so that he can be the only candidate in the run. In 2014, the Democratic party barely came together in time to nominate Lawrence Gaughan. He was a good guy but he was never a serious threat to Robert Hurt when it came to Election Day. Ericke Cage could be a perfect candidate if he had any elected official experience and wasn’t in the 5th District that’s gerrymandered to make sure a Republican victory happens . On paper, Cage looks great. In the 5th District, he’s going to be steamrolled by Robert Hurt in November 2016, and that’s only if Cage gets the nomination. Squadoosh time, folks. ZERO percent chance that Ericke Cage is our 5th District House member in the 2017-2018 Congress.


That’s it! We’re done! Let’s look at the completed OddsMakers board…

That looks like a cash register tape font. Ugh. Hey, look at that. If you add up my four numbers, you get 100%! Speaking of 100%, this edition of OddsMakers is 100% over! We’ve got more coming up on SouthsideCentral!

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