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Look at the fat Halifax police officer!

Oopsie. I didn’t punctuate that headline correctly so I’ll try again. “Look at the fat, Halifax police officer!”

It’s an old story but I’ve finally gotten the time to write the article on it…

Police investigate Sunshine Mills spill into Toot’s Creek

Friends, this is why we have a police department in the town of Halifax. Any citizen who sees something that’s a big enough terrorist threat like people carrying haybales are able to call the police department to get that investigated immediately! (Side note: Just remember when haybales are outlawed, only outlaws will carry haybales.) Luckily for the town of Halifax, a police officer was available to take the call without any delay, speed to the scene, cross the railroad tracks without hitting the crossing gates and then promptly got this dangerous situation under control.

Now this wasn’t handled by just any Halifax police officer, it was handled by the acting chief himself. I completely agree that haybales being tossed in a creek is a situation where you need the top brass of the department to supervise the crime scene. In this case, the acting chief handled the delicate situation himself which is even more impressive.

The G-V mentions in the lead paragraph that the substance was “organic human-grade fat” so I’m wondering if Soylent Green is Dog Food? Anyway, the “oraganic human-grade fat” was quickly identified as people are quite accustomed to seeing a lot of human-grade fat walking in the area.

Your final lesson in today’s article is that anytime you ever see “a swirling brown mass on top of the water” that “might stink”, only call the police if there are haybales involved. Otherwise, it just may be a Baby Ruth.

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